'You're wrong. My mom is right': Mother-in-law saves the day with stringent budgeting tips from her ‘single mother’ days, then her son's heavy-spending wife gets called out

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Sep 30, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

This man learned that his wife's over-spending was the reason they were dipping into the red every month, so he brought in the heavy artillery: His frugal mother who raised him and his 2 siblings as a single mother on a meager income… And his wife did NOT like that. 

When your parents give you your first allowance as a kid, your mind races and you start thinking of all the fantastic things you'll buy with the $20 bill in your hand. You could buy a Hot Wheel, some candy, maybe even a movie! But as soon as the stars in your eyes fade from some frivolously silly purchase, you realize that the money's quickly dwindled and you have nothing left. Most people take that lesson into adulthood, learning to taper their spending and mitigate their losses, but the woman in this next story learned that her daily 'little treat' at Starbucks was literally starting to bankrupt their family. 

Keep scrolling to read the details of how a marriage was tested when a frugal mother-in-law saves the day with a stringent budget. 

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    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for Telling My Wife She's " Wrong" and That My Mom Is Right? Not the I (35M) have been married to my wife (32F) for five years, and we've been struggling financially for the past few
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    months. I lost my job about three months ago, and while I've found part-time work, it doesn't pay nearly as much as before. We've had to cut back on a lot of things, but it feels like no matter what we do, we're still living paycheck to paycheck and even pulling. from savings.
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    Recently, my mom (65F) came over to visit, and she noticed how stressed I was about the money situation. She offered some advice on how we could save money-things like cutting down on takeout, meal prepping to avoid buying
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    groceries multiple times a week, and switching to cheaper brands. My mom has always been frugal, especially when she was raising me and my siblings on a tight budget. I thought it made sense, especially since we're really
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    trying to save wherever we can. I asked if she was willing to go through our spending and show where we could cut down. My wife agreed with this. She made a whole spreadsheet about our
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    spending, and we are spending wayyyyy to much on fun stuff. We don't need Starbucks everyday and so on. It also became apparent that most of the fun spending was my wifes
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    Tbh my wife didn't take the breakdown well and started arguing with my mom that her spreadsheet was wrong. She said that my mom's way of doing things is "outdated" and doesn't work for us. She
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    doesn't want to give up buying organic produce, and she likes having variety in what we eat each week. I tried to explain that we need to make some sacrifices if we want to get out of this financial hole, but she kept insisting that things
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    weren't as bad as I was making them out to be and that we just needed to "ride it out." My mom left at this point and we were still arguing, and she told me she can't give up her
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    takeout. She also went on about my mom being wrong. That's when I lost my patience and said, "You're wrong. My mom is right. She managed to raise three kids on one income, and we can't even cut back on groceries for a few months? ."
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    My wife got really upset, saying I am being a huge for winding with my mom and that my mom is outdated. She's barely spoken to me since, and now I'm wondering if I went too far. But the way I see it, we need to be realistic about our situation, and my mom's advice could actually help us get back on track.
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    Allaboutbird NTA. Your wife agreed to go through your budget with your mom, your mom took the time and effort to review things and then it sounds like your wife was very and dismissive. As far as I know math hasn't changed that much in the last 30 years so it's not clear how your mom's views are outdated.
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    Striking-Current2180 OP You are right the math didn't change. The solution is simple even if it unpleasant for a bit
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    Extension-Issue3560 She was fine with your mom's help UNTIL it showed where the money is really going. Most of us have been in your shoes one time or another. Tightening up the financial belt is hard, but you do what you have to do to get by. In my experience, after living with less, you actually prefer it. If we get take out, it's a treat...and planning meals ahead saves a lot of money. Good luck
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    Mother Search3350 She was fine with the budget help until it became obvious that her spending is the problem. The math is not matching and you will be homeless one day if you don't get a permanent job soon and cannot make rent or pay for utilities.
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    Nogravy.please Your wife could be more embarrassed than anything else. Sit down with her again and redo the budget. It's eye opening how much we spend on coffee each morning and take out. Buy a coffee machine and have take out once a week. She will get on board after she finishes her tantrum.
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    Nograv • Your wife wants to continue the lifestyle you had before you lost your job. • She's closed to any compromise that could affect her lifestyle. • She refuses to see how dire your financial situation is. • She refuses to take any responsibilities. • Your wife is okay with your mother's input only if your mother says what she wants to hear.
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    Was the necessary? Probably not. But, in this context, with the frustration building up, I can understand the word slipping here. So, no, not the even with this word. I'd ask your wife what are the solutions according to her then? If your mother is wrong and your wife is right, then ask her to explain to you how she is right. What solutions can she propose?
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    Here are other things that you could tell her: • Meal prep, can be boring indeed. But, instead of meal prep, you could "ingredient prep". Meaning that you could prep a bunch of ingredients that can be use in different receipe. There's a whole community on Youtube doing it and giving ideas.
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    • Instead of her daily Starbucks. She could cut it down to once a week. The rest of the week, you could buy the ingredients that creates her Moka Pumpkin Spice with wipcream and cacao powder coffee and she could make it herself at home. Most of the time, it ends up 10x better and 10x less expensive.
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    Those are the solutions your mother told you already, but with a positive note added to it. Now, of course your problem seems deeper than just trying to put everything into a positive perspective. Your wife is acting extremely childish. But for the problem at hand, I think it might work. As for your wife and her attitude, I'm kind of out of words here.
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    iamterrified ofyou Yeah reading all your advice I was thinking "this would all be great advice for someone with a partner who is willing to budge even .5%, ".....but unfortunately OP did not marry someone who wants to try.
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    catladyclub NTA and your wife needs to learn the difference between a need and a want. She doesn't want to give up her luxuries. So evidently Starbucks is more important than financial security. My husband and I are very frugal. I do not upgrade my phone until I have to.
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    We only eat out dinner once a week. We pack our lunches. We do not have designer expensive clothes. I shop sales for everything. I plan my menu for the week around the sale ad. My husband and I make over 250 grand a year and he wears Rural King jeans that cost 12.99.
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    Because we do not need to impress anyone. I would rather have 3 grand in a 30 dollar purse than a 3 grand purse with $30 in it. As a result we can pay cash for items like cars, etc. We are set up well for retirement. It is called priorities. Paying 10 bucks for a coffee during the week adds up to $50. That is 2600 a year. That coffee tastes good but when you can't pay your bills or have no money for emergencies or retirement what are you going to do?
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    jbarr107 "I would rather have 3 grand in a 30 dollar purse than a 3 grand purse with $30 in it. Wonderful statement! My wife (of 35 years) and I follow a similar method, and as a result, we enjoy similar fruits.
    via jbarr107

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